Two Monsters Walk Into A Sewer...

Tom and Ricardo stood beneath the yawning north east sluice entrance. It was a precarious climb down into the concrete channel, and Tom often resorted to using his hands. Ricardo had taken off his fancy shoes, tying the laces together and dangling them from his neck like a shiny black leather albatross. The sluice was lined with almost 40 feet of steep tumbledown rocks and cracked granite, and getting down into it was proving to be an endeavor.

“There has got to be a better way to get into the sewers. What happened to the old grate off of Huron street?”

“Oh, it’s still there,” Ricardo grunted,  “But I don’t trust it.” His feet made a wet slap as he hopped onto a low ledge, nearly at the bottom. “Those outfit savages know a lot more than they should, and that is a little close to their territory for my liking.” He jabbed a finger at Tom as the gargoyle scrambled down next to him. “But hey, even if they knew about this entrance, they’d really be risking their necks, in more ways than one- what do you think happens when it rains?”

Tom opened his mouth but Ricardo continued, fishing a box of cigarettes out of his pocket.

“They’d all get caught like spiders, washed out the god-damn spout, eh!”

Ricardo’s monstrous leer was illuminated by the flare of his lighter as he coaxed a cigarette to life. Tom watched him, bemused, the two of them poised before the yawning entrance to the underworld. It smelled like algae, stale sea water and other, far less pleasant things.

“This is to be your proving ground, my good gargoyle. It is time for you to learn how to slip through the shadows, undetected.”

Tom rolled his shoulders, his wings flexing experimentally. “I mastered lurking quickly enough.”  

Ricardo took a quick puff and waved dismissively, half at Tom and half to dissipate the wafting smoke. “Ah, but lurking, it is child’s play. Any halfwit neonate can sit there and concentrate on not being seen- this next lesson will require you to direct the attention of others away from yourself, like water off a rat’s back.”

The nosferatu took a long drag, mostly killing off the cigarette, and tossed it away. Then they continued, with Tom allowing himself to be ushered into the dark sluice gate. It was difficult to make out much beyond the gurgling water slipping past their feet, but he could hear furtive, scrabbling footsteps. Tom wondered if these were more nosferatu clinging to the darkest recesses, but then he realized nosferatu probably wouldn’t allow themselves to be heard or seen at all.  

The rounded a gentle bend, and lit dimly by a manhole Tom could make out what they were.

“Ricardo- are those- rats?” Tom was unable to hide his disbelief.

They were rats. Rats the size of dogs. Ricardo let out a low whistle and the largest and most evil looking among them, a scarred creature with eyes the color of bloody milk, stopped and turned to face them, its fat, serpentine tail dragging through the fetid water.

“Oh yes, they are rats. Wicked sharp minds and teeth, believe me. Her name is Fatima.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “That… doesn’t seem like a great name for a rat… and in any case, what on earth do rats have to do with me learning to hide in plain sight?”

Ricardo wagged a finger, clearly enjoying himself. “Fatima is a great name for a rat, she loves it. And these rats, why, they are going to be your teachers. It is a skill, kind of like composing music while making love. Just hide from them and then try to creep past them. When you can move through this tunnel without them noticing and running away, or biting you, then you will have mastered the next level of obfuscation.”

Tom turned to look at the rats- they had stopped running, and Fatima was still getting closer. The gargantuan rat’s incisors were as long as Tom’s fingers. Tom turned back to tell Ricardo that he was crazier than the shithouse rats he called pets, but the nosferatu had vanished.